On wishes, dreams, and magic manifesting in my life...

The other night, I was blessed with a beautiful moment...I was feeling a little forlorn, lying in bed alone staring out the window at the bright star that shines right in it on me. I had that song running through my head that goes ''Can we pretend that airplanes, In the night sky, Are like shooting stars, I could really use a wish right now''. And I gazed out the window, and suddenly, framed perfectly within my windowframe, a shooting star appeared, bright and streaking through the sky, dissapearing as they do. And I made my wish. A few days later, and it seems it has come true. I really need to get back in my habit of wishcraft, and of reconnecting to the natural world and the astral plane. I have had too many experiences that cannot be explained in normal terms (unless I have a habit of hallucinating, and certain things that can't be explained by hallucination never happened) to not believe in magick, the faery folk, and other forces and worlds beyond this one.

Too many times I have seen things that are not supposed to exist (whether or not I knew what they were at the time). I have heard voices telling me something that turned out to be incredibly helpful. On one occassion it was a very sharp warning that woke me up from my nap on our big swing and told me to GET INSIDE NOW. I thought it was my mother, and ran into the house to see what she wanted, shutting the door, and moments later two dogs ran into the yard fighting and snarling at each other and snarling at the glass door at me. My mother was oblivious in the kitchen on the phone, and hadn't called me.

On another occassion I was told to take a different street to get back to my hostel in California. The next morning I heard that a young woman had been attacked  a few minutes after I had changed streets, on the very street I had almost gone down. Other times I have had voices telling me a song, a phrase a word, something that seemed random, but was incredibly relevant to a problem or difficulty I was experiencing at the time, and often this saying led me to the solution or a 'eureka!' moment..

I have been tripped, not once, but twice, by something in the grass (I never found out what), and upon opening my eyes, a four leaved clover has been sitting directly in front of me. I gave one to my husband when he went to Afghanistan and it all but disentigrated (he must have really been using up the luck!), the other I quite stupidly glued to the top of my favourite wardrobe in my bedroom as a child, thinking I'd always have it with me. To this day I wish I had that wardrobe back, I loved it! I have several more given to be by my highschool boyfriend's mother, but the ones I found were the most special.

My high school boyfriend's mother was a very spiritual person, and was fond of the wee folk. One day as I sat helping to fold laundry, I saw to my complete shock the VERY distinct silhouette of a little winged person sitting on top of the stack of towels. It remained there for as long as I had my eyes open, even when I glanced away for a moment. When I blinked it was gone. To this day I am still shocked and if I hadn't seen it so clearly, I would have convinced myself by now that I'm completely nuts.

I have heard music that no one else seems to when asked, and on one walk in the woods I turned to see a red and white hound sitting on the path behind me watching me. I looked down the other way to see if there was anyone, like a person, and when I looked back a second later, the dog had vanished, and the trail and surrounding woods were too sparse for it to have run into without me seeing or hearing it. Later I read that in some culture red and white hounds, or white hounds, were the faery folk's dogs and I got the chills. It could have been a physical dog, or a faery one, I'll never know.

I have had incredibly lucid dreams, ones so difficult to tell apart from real life in which I met people and beings that taught me much of what I know, and shared wisdom and advice with me which I have carried with me (though not always acted on) to this day. As the years have passed by, and I have had some very traumatic experiences and many lessons learned the hard way, I drifted farther and farther from that good place, where I could go into my dreams and consult my helpers for advice. More days passed by without me hearing any hints, and with me ignoring all the tools at my disposal to help me as I became more focused on the immediate physical, and so disconnected from my true self that I probably wouldn't even notice if anyone tried to contact or help me and I forgot who I was, or what I even wanted. I started becoming the people I despised and pitied.

Slowly, I am reconnecting, reopening my mind, remembering to be thankful and respectful, listening to my intuition more, and being more honest with myself and others. I have grown up more, and at the same time done more stupid things in the last 6 years of my life than at any other time. I hope that I have learned my lessons, and that I can now begin to live the life I was meant to, and reconnect so that I am in that good place that I could escape to as a child. It comes right in time too, as my daughter is two, and becoming more and more aware of her world. She needs someone there who will lead her, and help her, give her spiritual and practical advice and steer her in the right direction, but be able to step back and let her pick her own path. As her mother, I should be that person, and I need to truly become myself if I am to do a good job.

My main problem is motivation. And sleep. I should go to sleep earlier, but the night is when I feel most alive, get most things done, and when it's quiet because my daughter is sleeping. So I usually do crafts and housework and read at this time. And the day, I am like a zombie, and cranky, and can't be bothered to do anything. Because of a rough adolescence, I was in a severe state of depression for many years, my life got more difficult, and now I have a lot more pain and horrible memories to weigh down on me, not to mention that habit that your brain forms when an action or thought is repeated  lot. I need to get motivation, keep motivation, and start forming new habits, ones which help me connect the the Otherworld, to my intuition, to the Earth, to that peaceful spot in my core so I can make descisions well, and learn and grow and thrive!

I have yet to figure out how to do this very well, but slowly, I'm working on it. Slowly.